Grapes Over Easy

It's pretty cool. Just something I do to keep me, you know, musicy.

Check it.

John Carlos and Tommie Smith got Arthur Ashe award. Fists in the air. Strong men.

We all make resolutions while drunk or hung over around the new year holiday, but does anyone ever check up on us to see how we are doing? No? How about now! Where are we? Where's the accountability in this process? If you want a change, start from the inside. So be it. Let's see...

1. Figure out how to sleep. This has been a problem for a long time. I need to fix it. Actually this one is the most important.

• So far, doing OK. Amazingly, the thing that seems to help me sleep best is...wait for it...Lunesta? no... Trazadone? no... Ambian? no... Caffeine for the win! Coffee before bed puts me to sleep. Fucked up? Yes. Will I still do it? You bet your sweet starbuck I will.

2. Maya 3D king. That is what I will be known as by the end of the year. Modeling, texturing, and animation in Maya.

• This has slowed to an amazingly disgusting crawl. I hate myself. The one thing I really really want to do since I was a tiny boy (besides Bjork) and I am moving nowhere. I will be teaching a course in Game Design at a community college in the fall though. That should count for something.

3. Exercise at least 3 times a week. Climbing, elliptical, kayaking, whatever.

• How about once every 3 weeks? Does that count? I have gotten into skateboarding and am doing well. Once the bruises heal up I'll be able to walk and get back out there.

4. Eat more salads. I like salads. This shouldn't be to hard.

• Pretty good here. Maybe too many. I fart a lot.

5. Try to have a date night each month with Aimee.

• Depends. If you count hanging out with school parents or blog friends a date, then awesome. We are kicking ass.

6. Make home desk comfortable.

• Closer. Just need a better chair now. I cut the legs shorter on my desk.

7. Grow a good garden that actually produces food.

• Kicking ass here. Big zucchini plants, squash plants, tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers. Just need to get rid of that damn mildew shit.

8. Hike and camp several times this year. Take Declan out camping.

• We have camped once in the yard. Not so good.

9. Have more fun with Jeff.

• Jeff and I haven't done much since our Magical Whiskey tour, sampling whiskey from every bar downtown and we woke up wearing someone else's clothes. I wonder if that isn't a coincidence?

10. Read more.

• Did I mention I have a 5 year old? When I find time, I find no book. When I find book, no time. Who invented these damn things?
  

11. Don't waste time futzing on the internet (this blog doesn't count as futzing.) This one alone should free up enough time to do all the others.

• Have made some progress here. Not futzing as much, but still not getting anything else done. Have moved the futzing more into work time.
  

12. Travel around in Colorado somewhere. We live in an amazing state. We should see it.

• Um, no. Not yet. Soon. Really.

13. Keep a good attitude and don't get bogged down by all the crud that seems to crop up. None of it matters, get past it.

• Some improvements here. I have lately started chanting to myself things reminding me of my incredibly small role in the universe and repeating over and over that everyone else are a bunch of acidic ass-tard fweep-monks that should get horked out of the sinuses of a giant Snot Beast. Fuck them. Then I feel a little better. OK, maybe I'm still working on this one too.
  

How about you?

Got this one from defective yeti

A series of conversations where people come in halfway through the conversation and don't understand the context.

Conversation with a friend, as we walk to the elevators:

Friend: So, what are you up to this weekend?

Me: Saturday we are going to the Chihuly museum.

Friend: Oh, you know it's not just Chihuly, right? It's devoted to glass in general.

Me: No, I hadn't realized.

Friend: Yeah, they even have a glass blowing room, where you can see people making art and stuff.

Me: Cool.

At this point the elevator arrives containing two people. We enter.

Friend: The last time I went they were blowing a squirrel.

Me: A squirrel?

Friend: Yeah, it was like this three-foot high squirrel, and there were two or three people blowing it. Like, taking turns.

Me: That's kind of strange.

Friend: Not at all what I was expecting to see, that's for sure.

We arrive at the next floor. The two other people exit looking perplexed and creeped out.

Received my teaching certificate in the mail last night. Sweet. Now I can teach anything. If you ask, I can teach it.

Bring it.

Ps. Except maybe English or any other language. Or law. Can't teach law. Or glass blowing, either. Nuclear sub driving is a big no also. Crap. What good is this damn piece of paper?

I am pretty sure I am from space. Someplace else. Not here for sure.

Dialog story played out on twitter in one account's tweets. add in @blah blah to invite others to read the story, using their names as regular words in the story.

Could eventually be like a conversation being interupted in a public place.

If I run the world, there's going to be some changes. Here is one of the first - 28 states. That's it.

I haven't named them all yet, but it will be simple and clear. No more North or South Carolina. Just Carolina. Same for Dakota.

Yep, I chopped off part of New England and gave it back to Canada. It was a pain to manage, honestly. And I got rid of Cabot Cove in the deal. Too many murderers and crappy TV there. They would have just filled up Michigan. Oh, didn't I mention Michigan?

Michigan is a prison. All of it. One big central prison for the whole country. Right were we can keep an eye on it. Surrounded by water, one land border to the south for supplies. It will help that inmates will be able to easily explain where their cell block is by using the "Mitten" technique used by all those Michiganers today. "Here I am, ring finger, second knuckle." It makes sense when you think about it. "Shinanigans" is a word when you are up to something. We got your Mi-shinanigans right here, Gotti. Have fun in the U-P. We'll rent prison space to Canada if they need it. It is a money maker, really. And it won't end up like Australia where all the prisoners declare independence, either. Didn't really think that one through, did you King Britian?

Speaking of independence, Hawaii is out. They want independence, let 'em have it. See ya beyotch. It was a pain to get out there anyway. We'll probably have to pay more for pineapples, but it is worth it overall. Now we don't have to have a giant navy. A fleet of jetskiis and a bass boat or 2 should cover it. They'll be able to work both at sea, and patrolling around Michigan. See? Efficiency. I'm all about it.

Alaska I need to think about some more, but I'm leaning toward it being Canadian, too. It's connected, and cold. Sure there's oil, but Canada is friendly. We'll work out some kind of deal. Spreading good will has it's costs, but again, in the long run, it's worth it.

I realize this might ruffle a few feathers, and I am ready to accept that. This is just a first draft. I can still make some adjustments, but overall, I'm positive I'm heading in the right direction. The Lord has assured me of it.

Wow. I'm spent. That was exhausting, but in a good way. Next week, world borders.

Crap. I had a great story I was going to share about the day before the Declaration of Independence was signed. How John Hancock, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington were sitting around talking about it before getting ready for the big day tomorrow. How they were going to stop at the bank on the way over. How they were teasing Hancock that he would chicken out. Great story.

Unfortunately, too much of what I understood as how it happened was completely fabricated, so my story would have been ripped to shreds by historians. Here is a more accurate version of the story if you are interested. Makes me pretty pissed about the illustration of the signing day that is on the back of the $2. Apparently everyone knows about this lie but me.

So I'll just tell you that I had a dream last night of interviewing a new person at work, and James and I walking him over to show him the dolphin training pool. I thought this was the funniest dream in the world because I don't interview new people at work.