Grapes Over Easy

If I run the world, there's going to be some changes. Here is one of the first - 28 states. That's it.

I haven't named them all yet, but it will be simple and clear. No more North or South Carolina. Just Carolina. Same for Dakota.

Yep, I chopped off part of New England and gave it back to Canada. It was a pain to manage, honestly. And I got rid of Cabot Cove in the deal. Too many murderers and crappy TV there. They would have just filled up Michigan. Oh, didn't I mention Michigan?

Michigan is a prison. All of it. One big central prison for the whole country. Right were we can keep an eye on it. Surrounded by water, one land border to the south for supplies. It will help that inmates will be able to easily explain where their cell block is by using the "Mitten" technique used by all those Michiganers today. "Here I am, ring finger, second knuckle." It makes sense when you think about it. "Shinanigans" is a word when you are up to something. We got your Mi-shinanigans right here, Gotti. Have fun in the U-P. We'll rent prison space to Canada if they need it. It is a money maker, really. And it won't end up like Australia where all the prisoners declare independence, either. Didn't really think that one through, did you King Britian?

Speaking of independence, Hawaii is out. They want independence, let 'em have it. See ya beyotch. It was a pain to get out there anyway. We'll probably have to pay more for pineapples, but it is worth it overall. Now we don't have to have a giant navy. A fleet of jetskiis and a bass boat or 2 should cover it. They'll be able to work both at sea, and patrolling around Michigan. See? Efficiency. I'm all about it.

Alaska I need to think about some more, but I'm leaning toward it being Canadian, too. It's connected, and cold. Sure there's oil, but Canada is friendly. We'll work out some kind of deal. Spreading good will has it's costs, but again, in the long run, it's worth it.

I realize this might ruffle a few feathers, and I am ready to accept that. This is just a first draft. I can still make some adjustments, but overall, I'm positive I'm heading in the right direction. The Lord has assured me of it.

Wow. I'm spent. That was exhausting, but in a good way. Next week, world borders.