Grapes Over Easy

No lie. You can't make this up. This is a list of the headlines from 2pm on December 9, 2008 on cnn.com. On their own, not so bad. As a group, this is the important news of our time. Just read through the group, and see what you think. These are all real, but I've removed the story links because it just doesn't matter.

• Simpson codefendants avoid prison
• Clinton, Rice break bread, talk diplomacy
• Gore not looking for White House job, aide says
• Ticker: Obama inaugural outfit revealed
• Sen. Craig's sex-sting plea will stand
• Child missing after military jet hits house
• GM exec: Automakers likely will want more
• Suze Orman: Be smarter than auto CEOs
• Brown: No way to justify CEO bonus
• Army dad shocks girl on Santa's lap
  
• Teen leaves work, heads home, vanishes
  
• Hidden dangers in the hunt for food
• Which dress should Mrs. Obama pick?
  
• Rapper Common: Obama will change hip-hop
• Santa freaks out screaming toddlers
  
• iReport.com: 365 days in 30 seconds
• Giant mutant potato weighs 22 lbs.
  

LOVE the news.